Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I have decided not to import muskrats.

I am making this announcement for several reasons.

First, I think it is salutary to make announcements from time to time. It feels good and has a reassuring quality: I am, after all, a man of principle.

Second, like a wolf that pees in concentric circles around its lair, announcements act as a kindness or a warning to those near, dear or inimical. I don't want other muskrat importers to feel threatened, on the one hand and I would like others, including the fellow in the bathroom mirror, to know where I stand and who I am. Vows and announcements are somehow supportive.

Third, even if I knew what a muskrat was, I still would not want to import or retail one. I may sell a lot of shit one way and another, but muskrats are not one of them. It may be impossible not to retail stuff in life, but I have crossed muskrats off my list. Muskrats and importers can rest easy.

Fourth, being a merchant gives me the creeps. I judge this from the sense of ick that rises up each time I catch myself merchandising something else ... as for example that I will not import muskrats or assert some other lofty and reassuring principle.

Fifth: At my age, I am aware that I may come to rue the day when I took such a lofty vow -- that circumstances may change and I may see importing muskrats in a whole new light. But for the moment, I am well pleased with the man in the bathroom mirror: I am, after all, a man of principle.

1 comment:

  1. Good choice, my experience of them is entirely negative. I don't mean them ill, but prefer to not compete or cohabit with them.